The day of the tent worms

I don't know how many summers we spent going up to Kennerdall. Two, three maybe four but each time there was excitement of some kind...My mother and Mae used to go out in the aluminum boat and fish. They had their fishing licenses on their hats and loaded with bate and poles...One time I specifically remember they returned with nearly 30 suckers..They had little pink mouths that stuck out..they were on stringers and when they returned they were still alive and breathing...It seemed to be a big joke that all they returned with was a stringer of sucker fish. I remember, Frank caught a huge cat fish (he used to go out late at night with a lantern to capture helgramites. I think these were flying bugs)...This fish looked like a whale to me...It was so big they put it in the spring until they could clean it...That catfish looked at least 6' long...I remember when they skinned it, they had to pull the skin off with pliers and it was tough..I remember when Frank killed it...they put a spike on top of it's head and drove it down through it's skull. It boinged back like rubber. Over and over again he tried to penetrate that skull. Finally it broke and the fish died...Those memories stayed with me for a life time...One time my Dad caught a bass and while cleaning it, I watched him...and as he was cleaning it he told me of all the parts he removed...one of these was the fish's heart. I asked him if I could have that heart...He laughed and cut it out and handed it to me on my hand...I also remember watching it beat...right there..it throbbed in the palm mof my hand...I held it until the movement stopped. I felt so sad!!..I knew that we would eat the fish, but for the heart to be beating in my hand, made me feel death. I felt the actual death of that fish!! It is hard to explain...but I think compassion dripped into me drop by drop for the first time!!....But the thing I remember most was when I collected a paper bag full of tent worms..I thought they were so beautiful and wore so many beautiful colors on their backs....I spent all day collecting them and putting them in the bag to take home...I have no clue why!! But, I remember packing to go home and my father saying, they better not get out...with a laugh as we drove away...I laid the bag down behind my fathers seat as we started home. Soon, I fell asleep. The bouncing of the van opened the bag one bump at a time. The tent worms..crawled out. All over the van and of course up the back of my fathers seat in the car...Suddenly, I heard him yelling and I woke up!! The tent worms had escaped and entered the back of my fathers neck and his shirt...Not to mention, I was the victim of a huge scolding...and a possible spanking..That I don't remember...I remember only twice, did my father actually spank me ..but the spanking I remember most, happened long after this episode!! Needless to say, my family wasn't in a very good mood trying not to kneel or step on the worms...If you did the squish exuded a bright green goo....Needless to say...IT WAS A LONG TRIP HOME!!

My first funeral

When we used to spend the weekends in Kennerdall at Mae and Franks cottage. Everyone looked forward to Friday. We didn't have any pets at that time and for some reason I received an Easter baby duck. It was a little yellow fuzzy duckling and I named him Quack Quack. I really don't remember where he came from or why I had him, I just remember the day he died!!...We were in the trailer park and getting ready to leave to head up to Mae and Franks. When a neighborhood dog, came and attacked poor little Quack, Quack....He shook him, I screamed and the duck was in peril, the dog dropped him and ran. My mother doubted he would live. I picked him up and we put him in a box. We took him with us that weekend. Quack Quack died. I cried. The drive seemed long, I remember and I spent most of it looking at the duck. Wondering how you could be alive one minute and the next minute you were dead...What amazed me is he could be up and running and enjoying life and then because of one grab and a few shakes he lay silent and dead!!...It was so sad, He didn't do anything to that dog. He was just a wonderful duck. I could kiss his head and he liked it....His feathers were so soft and he was old enough to have white, soft feathers ....He was full grown by a few months and now he lay dead!!...When we got up to Mae and Franks I ran and told Mae, we all agreed we would have a funeral for him. They were so kind to know of my sadness...Everyone laughed but it was heart breaking for me...This was my first experience with death...Frank dug a small hole, right along the path that went down to the river...I could even today, take you to the exact spot where Quack Quack lay...We lined the hole with big green leaves and flowers....We slowly and with much love laid Quack Quack in the hole and we covered him with leaves and flowers....finally after saying goodbye. We covered him up with the dirt that laid on the side of the hole...I watched while the dirt fell over him and went to the bottom of the hole and fell onto the leaves...Finally one shovel at a time. We no longer could see him. The dirt covered him completely...I felt such a feeling of loss and despair...I lost a very good friend...My pet duck!! My Quack Quack...We took a few branches and shaped them into a cross and wound dandelion stems in and out of the wood where the cross met. Gracefully we posed it into the soft dirt at the head of the grave...It was done. My Quack Quack was gone, his life was finished and I was without his love...and he was without mine...I spend much of that weekend watching that grave...Every time I walked by, I said a little "Goodbye Quack Quack"....My first loss of a loved one...I remember so strongly every detail...Things that happen to us during our life are a precursor to prepare us for times we may have to experience..Times that help us get through bigger and stronger feelings of loss...How good God is to let us feel emotions and prepare us for what we might need before the day we need it!!

Mae and Franks cottage

Our drive to Kennerdall was a regular weekend event...Our summers were consumed with packing clothes, food, and games stuffed into my fathers old red van...with Curry Radio and Television..painted on the sides. We would leave on Friday night. It took an few hours. After the clock with the ears...(half way)...we took winding roads that soon led us to a crossroads..and an old general store...called May's...up about 5 steps and into a creeky wooden floor. We walked around and tried to beg stuff out of our folks for the weekends...Sometimes without much sucess...After we went into the store..the road led down and wound around the tall hills lines with fir trees and mountain laurel...It just smelled like fresh, cool, moist air. We drove down until the road seemed to end. But actually the road just ran right through the creek...through a large concrete tunnel. The tunnel supported the railroad tracks that ran to Erie...through the tunnel the mountain crystal clear water ran wildly through the tunnel...The water was rushing from the mountain to the Allegheny River in Kennerdall.Driving through the tunnel, the van rocked and swayed...slowly we drove right through the water and came out on the other side...The road lifted right out of the water and slowly turned from mud to dry dirt. We followed that road for about a mile. Past cottages, trees, and wild animals crossing in front of us...Owls sat in the trees looking down at us...We finally saw the post with the red reflector on it and knew we were finally there...Piling out, stiff and needing a good run...we were greeted with a smile and a warm Hello. Mae and Frank had no small children. Frank had a daughter to his first wife that died...She was grown. He married Mae and they had none. So, I think we made their weekend less than a quiet boring weekend. We came full of noise, laughter, and as much confusion as we could muster....The cottage had a little porch, with a screen door that banged when you let it go. Inside one big room with a cooking stove, sink, table and chairs. With some faded red curtains on wires...the curtains were pulled open but shut when the kids went to bed....The adults stayed up and played cards or just sat and talked...The beds were bunk beds three high. Both sides were double mattresses...so the cottage actually slept 12 people. Frank built them and the top bunk you couldn't even sit up without hitting the ceiling..but it was fun...a ladder leaned on the side to crawl up and down...In the morning, the mist laid over the river and up on the tree filled mountain. Huge bolder like rocks lined the river bank on the other side....nothing but bushes, trees, and rocks...We could watch the deep come down to drink out of the river. There was a spring of ice cold water coming off the mountain sides. We washed our faces in a metal basin...and a pitcher of ice water and red soap....Lifebouy!! After getting washed and dressed. Everything was damp and the mist covered everything outside..Brushing teeth and spitting out side was just fun!!! Then Mae made breakfast. The smells of the sausage..and bacon, eggs, and pancakes...all wonderful memories...of our weekend days in the mountains..On Sunday afternoon, everyone cleaned up, got dressed and off we went home. Stopping always at the Dairy Queen south of Butler on Route 8...Sometimes things that take you away from the norm of life are memories to last for a lifetime....

The beginning of weekend to Kennerdale

Memories are a wonderful tool. We shouldn't dwell on them, but it seems to help form us into the person we are!..I think the Buddists believe we come into this world as a clean slate...whatever person we turn into it is our fingerprint. How we are raised, our circumstance, and things that come to us through the years....I personally believe, when we appear out of our mothers womb..Our personality is truly branded upon us. We are the person we are and will be. I also believe many things will form and knead you into the person you are...But, I also believe we are led by a loving God, the one who did make us...good or bad, healthy or sick, alive or dead...It is all in the entire plan...I know things that happened to me, I am sure, helped form me into the person I am. But with all that stripped aside, I still am the person God made me!! In his image..looking at the BIG picture!! During the time we lived in the trailer park. We met a a lady with our same last name, Curry. Her name was Mae...When my sister Jetta, was born, my mother had diaper service. Now for those of you who have never heard of it...A truck used to come to the door. There was a little diaper pail, with a smelly good thing, in this diaper pail, after having the diapers rinsed out in clear water...they were picked up by the delievery man. These dirty ones were replaced with new, fresh, clean, white cloth diapers...I realize many of you have no clue that anyone did this. They used to wash, bleach, rinse and hang them out in the sun...line after line after line...I myself was priviledged to do this for many years..(six kids later)...Pampers were just invented in the late sixties...and they were very expensive...you used them only to go out!! There were many days, I would run out of diapers visiting my mothers house and she would pin a kitchen towel on the baby. Well back to new friends. The diaper man went to the wrong Curry's. He visited Mae's house...She informed him she did not have any children, let alone a baby...This led her to believe another family in the park had her same last name...Frank, her husband, and Mae became our closest friends. They had a camp in Kennerdale. North of Pittsbrugh along the Allegheny River. It took what seemed a very long time to get there..When we got to Butler, I would remark, "Look, we are half way there, there is the clock with the ears". That clock still stands!! We went to their camp every weekend!! A trip away from the trailer park...A trip to the country was a wonderful treat..and full of so many memories...The door opened for us, to learn new things and be apart of God's wonderful back woods exsistence. Some thing we knew nothing about!! But, are going to learn!!!

Stories of curiosity..over the top!

The real strange thing about curiosity is it can be good or bad!! It can be benificial or very harmful!!..I recall many of my curious times...when I was little. One time in particular was when, we were still living in the trailer park, I put a snake under a car tire and when the car went over the snake it smashed it and there were about 1,000 babies in the snake. It was amazing to see all those little snakes that just came squishing out of her..We had no clue that the snake was with baby snakes nor did we anticipate the way we would feel when we saw her squished. I must admit, it was an amazing experience...See the snake dead, squished and also seeing all these babies dead that came out of her..It made me feel so sad, even though we picked through them and spent time investigating the slaughter, it stuck in my mind and it always makes me feel sad when I think of it....Another times we got together and captured wasps and bees in jars with other insects like lightning bugs, praying mantisis, and other beetles. Waiting and watching to see, after a battle of the bugs, who would still be alive. Which bugs would survive and win the battles...these were all curious things we felt important..Other things, I am not proud of doing, is ripping the lights out of those poor little lightning bugs and wearing them as rings and taking the lights and smearing them on us while we glowed in the dark....I think all kids have a bit of sadist in them...and it all falls under the heading of curiosity... It also takes on the physical. I was about six years old and behind the wash house there were wire clothes lines strung from concrete poles. There must have been about 20 of them or more...these lines looked like tight rope lines...tempting me to walk them...so I shinned up the concrete pole and walked the wires...I was very active and had a remarkable sense of balance as well as rythum...I attribute that to my dancing lessons, tumbling, ballet etc. So I saw no problem to attempt to walk on the wire...they were pretty thick and seemed stable enough to walk across, so I did. One day while tightrope walking my mother came looking for me and found me walking the wire...She always told the story of how she held her breathe and didn't dare yell at me....fearing I would lose my balance and come tumbling down while splitting myself into...But, that never even entered my mind. Looking back now, I can't believe I was as brave and unfearful as I was...I still am unfearful...and do many things that other people would not even think of doing...and I have no problem attempting or doing it!!! I just think I can do anything.....if I try and fail, I try again...I am one of those people, I guess, when the door closes....I don't think of shrinking to the corner and forget about it...Instead of looking for a window to crawl out ....I just knock the door down and go through without hesitation!!! I know this is a God given talent for I didn't know what God had in mind for my life...I needed to be ready to accept things that were going to be presented to me...in the future...Little did I know, what God had in store!!! But He and He alone could prepare me what I was going to have to face!! I thank Him for preparing me...and giving me the tools to survive!!

Comfort can come even thru a ladybug...

Living in a trailer with no bathroom...posed quite a problem...Trailers back in the fifties had NO bathrooms and any place you lived you had to go to the 'WASH HOUSE"...!! A large cement block building with a couple of doors. One of the doors led into the room that had washers and stationary tubs for bathing large things...I think there were a few dryers...but I don't remember. People usually hung their clothes outside on the lines that ran beside the wash house until they were dry. In the other room was a line of toilets maybe 7 or 8 with wooden doors and locks. The adjoining room had shower stalls...with plastic curtains covering the openings for privacy...all surrounded by block. A light and a drain. There were maybe 5 of them...People had to leave their trailers and travel to the wash house for doing any kind of washing activities. Including bedside pottys used during the night..Every morning all the ladies headed toward the wash house to dump the contents of the little white porclein potty with lid and handle. The metal wire had a wooden handle with imprints to carry. This was a morning ritual...One day I was sick and couldn't go to school...My mother had to make her daily run to the wash house and do what ever she did there..She left me at the house sick. She didn't want to take me outside. So she explained I was not to leave the house, she would be back in a little while...As the door shut, the loneliness set in...The feeling of complete and utter abandonment flooded through my soul...I became very fearful. The sound of silence surrounded me and I became scared. For the reason of being alone and scared, I began to cry. I wanted my mother to come back..I felt so alone, so afraid. I just wanted her to come back...I knew she would soon, but I wanted her now!!!...I sat at the window waiting and waiting for her...I cried until I was sobbing!! I felt so alone!!...All of a sudden I saw one little lady bug on the window..I remembered the verse my mother taught me about the lady bug... Fly away home, and in between the sobs of sorrow..I talked to the lady bug...I told her I was all alone. I told her we were all alone...and I cried and talked to that lady bug for along time..She actually kept me company for what seemed to be hours...When my mother returned, I saw her coming, I ran to her thankful she returned..But, I never forgot how that one little ladybug kept me company. The joy of having someone help me forget my fear and lonliness. That is the way a friend can be.. Someone who comes into your life and just is there to be with you!!...Somehow, the fear, the loneliness leaves you, replaced with the feeling of comfort...Look around you and you will see there are many people you know, people all around you that you can be that "ladybug" for!!! I am so thankful, God saw to it to comfort me by letting me find a friend. A friend in one of the creatures he made...a common little lady bug!!

Counting my losses

I really have experienced so many losses and disappointments in my life..I choose not to have or accept anymore...The losses I lived through, have round off my corners and taught me to roll...even up hill now!! Because of the things I have experienced in my life, they have taught me not to expect much of anything. That way when something good happens I can celebrate it and appreciate it so much more than if I expect something and then it doesn't happen...I then have set myself up for the disappointment. My joy comes when God allows it and gives it...I accept it, appreciate it, am thankful for it...and receive it!! I count it all as joy, when it comes!!...This always keep a smile instead of a frown of disappointment. Most people expect certain things from others. We try to control the way people act, or don't act....A control issue is probably the first thing a person needs to pray to get rid of...It brings nothing but unexpected disappointment from people, places and all things!!!..No doubt this is the reason I remember many things...I probably expected them a certain way and they played out a way I didn't expect or desire. Thus, it brought lots of disappointment. That now is over, in the past!! I remember the time, when I was about six years old or so. My parents were talking about taking a train to Lancaster. They shared with all of us, their plans to do so...We were going to visit some relatives and while they talked my hopes became very high...I had never been on a train. I instantly started to pack and tried on my favorite dress to wear. I had my mother put my hair up in pin curls. We were going to leave in the morning...I was ready!!! I was expecting big things, a train trip to Lancaster. A trip, I had never been on a trip...not one like this...I let my imagination run with me!! My passion exploded inside my heart!!...Excitied we all went to bed early. We were going to leave the next day...In the morning, for some reason, I woke up and found everyone still sleeping. I got up, got dressed in my favorite striped, dark blue and white taffata dress. It had a little paper rose at the waist...and a frilly little underskirt!!...All dressed and packed I woke my Mom and Dad up...and announced I was ready to go...My mother informed me..."We decided not to go"...WHAT!!! NOT GO!!! Who decided this...I was so angry I just went balistic...Screaming and yelling, I had a complete melt down and stammed and screamed with a temper bigger than sky!! I informed them I was going by myself then..(of course I couldn't) but my disappointment was so great it turned into rage...A terrible rage. An uncontrollable fit of temper brought on by being let down!!!...I don't remember exactly what happened but no doubt I got my fanny warmed and I probably went back to bed and cried my self to sleep!!!...I remember what that felt like. I remember how damaging it is to try to make things happen. I have learned after so many years, I am in control of nothing. Nothing in my life, other than my choices ...With prayer and my depending on what and where God takes me...I trust my choices are his...So now, I don't expect..I just accept!! ...and that always brings a comfort to know, I AM NOT THE ONE IN CONTROL!!! HE IS!! and I am now never disappointed!!!....I learned to trust and obey!!